QUESTION: I'm in love with a man at work. He's already married. Two kids.
Someone told me I could have a relationship using tantra and mysticism to get closer to his soul. Without becoming his lover. How could I do that with him? And is it a good idea to be closer to his soul? Or am I just asking for trouble and heartache?

What's your concern? Perhaps you don't understand tantra, since you ask that question. Most people who practice tantra on this planet do so without the sexual aspects.

How can this be? Are you surprised? Most tantrikas are monks and nuns, did you know that? The Dalai Lama practices Highest Yoga Tantra, and he's celibate.

Tantra actually has very little to do with the act of intercourse or even kissing between man and woman.
Tantra is so mystical because it's the act of intercourse between life and death, sun and moon, earth and sky, the soul of a man and the soul of a woman.

Tantra brings you Continuity of Attention. THAT could be helpful at the office when you're knocking over your tea cup while glancing at him when he walks by glancing at you!

In true tantra, you'd be more aware than you ordinarily are. How can you be more aware? Try doing office work while watching your breath (doing office work "on the breath," as we call it).

HOMEWORK: Watch your heartbeat when you see him. Stay "on the breath when you wash your tea cup at work. Wash his tea cup "on the breath." Be of service. Listen to his troubles.

Can you practice THIS type of tantra with your office fellow, though he's already married?

Personally, I don't see why not. In fact, I'd hope you do! Just remember to stay in public with him. Don't be alone with him, or you will provoke trouble. Mysticism is meant to enhance the soul, not to drag it through hell.

I have a question for you. Close your eyes and open your mind, while you ponder this: Do you fantasize often about sex with this man who works in your office, and whom you see almost every day of the work week? Do you imagine him taking off your clothes after work when everyone has left the office? Do you feel him kissing you, and inside you?

Just contemplate that question, please.

Because if you DO want sex with him, then everything you send his way will already have sex in it.

Is this not so?
A handshake, smile, paper handed over the desk, sandwich bought for him at the deli, a phone call, a turn of the ankle, gesture of the know what I mean. So please don't fool yourself.

Is this unspoken sexuality bad? It depends on you. If you can be in sexuality with purity, then it's fine. If you feel guilty and terrible about your sexuality, than it's not fine.

Tantra brings you a mystical awareness of the interconnectedness of all being. When you smile at this office man you love, with the heart and breath of tantra, you're also smiling at his wife, with whom he sleeps. I know that sounds esoteric. It is, and that's what makes it mystical. Keep his wife in mind. This will help you to love your office soul mate without attachment.

Do you have a mate of your own? Boyfriend? Husband? Consider practicing tantra with him. Try having an orgasm "on the breath." Be aware of exhaling, even giving out a loud "Ommmmmmmm" when in orgasm.

Please remember that sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is just one small leaf on the great tree of tantra. You can be celibate and be tantra. But sexual energy is at the root of that great tree, and keeps it alive. Even monks feel the sap rising in the spring and enjoy a good meal, tenderly touch the herbs they grow, and feel sensual pleasure in a rainbow or sunset. And why not? The Divine Power put this here for us to enjoy, especially the children of the cloth who serve that Power.

When I was a kid, the spicey love between a man and a woman was said to be "what makes the world turn round." (Is that where the soap opera called "As the World Turns" got it's name?)
Don't feel bad about how you feel when you desire your office mate who's married. Just move forward with wisdom, compassion, and skillful use of pleasure. Watch your breathing. Take care. Dress warmly in the winter and wear light clothing in the summer. Thanks for asking me your question.

QUESTION: Some people think that mysticism is bell, book and candle -- like the movies. What is it, really?

ANSWER: Mysticism is an awareness that all things are interconnected. All things rub up against all things. It's more than an intellectual awareness. Mystics ACT on that awareness.

Tell me something that isn't connected to everything. Can you?

"That skyscraper over there," you might say, "or that mountain in the distance, aren't connected to my body."

But they are, and not too indirectly, either. The skyscraper and the mountain are connected to the ground, which is connected to your shoes, which are connected to the skin of your feet, which is connected to the muscles under the skin, which are connected to your blood vessels...which go to your heart.

Remember that old song..."The shin bone's connected to the leg bone, the leg bone's connected to the thigh bone..." or something like that. Well, the Everything's connected to the Everything, in mysticism. This includes a mind connection.

Remember the Jungian "Collective Unconscious?" Carl Jung believed that there was an OverMind, a group mind, that contained the thoughts and feelings of humanity. This is what he called the Collective Unconscious. It's supposed to hold all the thoughts that humanity has had, along with all the current thoughts.

This Collective Unconscious also circulates, like breath atoms, around our world. We can tap into it spiritually and mentally. It's believed to be one source of "telepathy," or unspoken communication between people.

You might say "The sun isn't connected to me," but then what is that ray of light doing on your face, close as a moth wing? You might think "Distant planets aren't connected to me", but the atmosphere of Earth is connected to outer space, which is connected to other planets, right?

Do you remember an old game like this that you might've played as a child? A guessing game. "Let's play the Infinity Game!" we used to shout, after standing on our heads with our feet up against the side of the house, and turning cartwheels in the front yard. "Try to find something that isn't connected to everything else!" we would challenge newcomers, new kids in the neighborhood.

Is it possible our pleasures were so simple then, and so vast? We used to laugh and laugh about the Infinity Game, on the Air Force bases where I grew up -- inbetween bouts of marbles, jacks and tether ball (now you know how OLD I am).

If you think of something that isn't connected to everything, please e-mail me with your discovery!

I'd like to ponder it. When we played this game as children, I felt my mind literally expanding as new neurological paths were formed with the wonder and realization of it all.

Even then, it was more than a game to me. I was a budding mystic, in my Buster Brown shoes and my matching sweater and socks, with a sleek ribbon in my permed young-girl hair.

When I meet another mystic, I'm joyful. Mystics see our interdependence.

Yet at the same time, we're totally separate individuals, as far as the Woman's Mystic Way is concerned.

Of course! Both conjoined and separate! At the same time! This is the paradox a mystic lives with, struggles with, delights in, and employs in daily life.

Many years ago, someone told me that scientists say atoms from the breath of Jesus and the breath of Hitler are still on our planet.

(Does this sound like a rumor...someone said that someone said)?

So I was struck by that. My mystic side was ablaze with thought.

You're sitting in a room with friends, or on a subway with strangers, and you're breathing into your lungs miniscule spinning atoms of carbon dioxide and slight respiration that they've breathed out. Their breath is becoming your breath. Their bodies and your body are becoming united by breath. They are becoming you. And vice versa.

It also would be true, wouldn't it, that atoms from Jesus' breath and from Hitler's breath would still circulate in the closed system of planet Earth?

"How can this be?" was my first response? I was both amazed and troubled. I'd love to breathe in Jesus' atoms of breath, but definitely didn't want Hitler in me. But then I considered further. I argued with myself. "Wouldn't the atoms all be blown around on the wind and disappear?" I asked myself.

"Disappear where?" I queried myself. So after that conversation with myself, I could hear what the scientists were saying.

Pretty much everything on Earth gets recycled. Nothing leaves spaceship Earth except a few random particles that fly off of the upper atmosphere into outer space. Nothing enters spaceship Earth except the colliding meteorites, asteroid bits and cosmic particles.

So whatever air Jesus and Hitler exhaled is most likely still around. An odd thought, isn't it? Kind of makes you feel small. And important at the same time. Like your breath can last forever, recycled and recycled and recycled. Like a part of you lasts forever.

The breath of those who lived before us is still becoming clouds and water, baby skin and stones.

Maybe an atom from Jesus' breath became part of Hitler's breath. But I doubt that....

Maybe some of the atoms from the breath of Jesus or Hitler are still drifting around in the wind where you live, and you've breathed one.

"Maybe," I said to myself, "some of the atoms from the breath of Jesus and the breath of Hitler were absorbed by the young leaves of trees -- because trees absorb carbon dioxide that people exhale, and give off oxygen in return" (which is one reason we need more trees as we grow more people on this planet).

So there were trees in Galilee, and trees in Germany. Say Jesus sat under one of those trees in Galilee and breathed in and out, which is likely. The trees shed leaves in the fall, right? My mind grows hot with the thought. Mystically eager and appalled.

You know where I'm going. The leaves become part of the dirt. The trees die, and become compost. Then an herb -- maybe wild ginseng -- grows centuries later or years later in the dirt that's impregnated with Jesus.

Next? The herb is picked. It ends up in your tea bag from the health food store. An atom from the breath of Jesus goes into your tea cup and stomach and becomes...YOU!

Who knows! It gives another dimension to the "You are what you eat" philosophy, doesn't it?


So what do we do with this awareness? That's where the classes and books I've written come in. There are zillions of things to do with this mystic awareness of the connectedness of all beings, from sex to world peace to money management to child rearing.

Check out some of the book titles that will be on this site over the coming months, and see if any of them grab your mystic side!

Thanks again for your question. Be well. Look up. See the stars in the middle of the day. MORE ARCHIVES OF Q&A